I am not a selfish person, no more than anyone else I suppose. We all want what we want no doubt. I just wonder, is it selfish to want to be significant to someone? This is for nobody in particular, but then again for ALL of you that mean so much to me. You know who you are.
It’d be nice to be wanted, REALLY wanted, because of me, not because of what I can do. It’d be nice to not be an emotional, mental or physical punching bag. It’d be nice to be as high on someone’s priority list as they are mine. It’d be nice to matter.
It’d be nice to be something other than a passing thought. It’d be nice to be thought of as more than “you’re too good or too nice.” It’d be nice to be thought of as more than a great friend.
It’d be nice not to be thought of as that guy that cheats on his wife. It’d be nice to be thought of as more than “So and So’s” brother. It’d be nice to be thought of as what I really am, ME.
It’d be nice to know I brought a smile to your face when I crossed your mind. It’d be nice to know the minutes until you saw me again were as agonizing to you as they are to me. It’d be nice to know you didn’t think you owe me for everything I do, because I do it because you mean that much to me.
It’d be nice to know I was part of your future. It’d be nice to know you want to be part of mine. It’d be nice to know you want to be a part of my here and now.
It’d be nice to know you really care. It’d be nice to show me that too. It’d be nice to be important to you. It’d be nice for you to trust me, unconditionally. It’d be nice to know you are there. It’d be nice to get as much as I give, not in a monetary sense but in an emotional sense.
It’d be nice to get straight answers. It’d be nice not to get cold shoulders. It’d be nice not to get my head bitten off. It’d be nice to have you around more. But more than anything, it’d be nice to get treated like I treat you.
I made this lady a cheesecake and I’m waiting on her to call me and tell me where to deliver it. I can’t even find a woman to let me bring her cheesecake!She said she’s giving me her number so I can call her or text her if I get bored. I don’t know if that sounds promising or if she feels pity for me?
First off I need to say thanks for those of you that read my ramblings and don’t bust my balls. I’m really not a whiny little bitch, I’ve just hit really hard times in my life. I find here on Tumblr a good vent and I appreciate all for listening.
Is it so much to ask to matter to someone? I want to be significant to somebody. I want someone to love me for me, for my good and for my flaws. I have found over my 51 years that the more in love I am, the less and less my flaws appear. I want someone to trust me, unconditionally. I want someone to get behind me on my decisions but have enough sense to reign me in when I get too far out with my stupid ass, unrealistic, Pisces dreams of unreality. I want someone to know what I’m thinking, even before its said and to know what they are thinking as well. I want that “connection.” One of the coolest things in the world is to pick up the phone to call “her” whoever that may be, and she is already on the other end calling me, just to say “hi.”
I think it’s absurd to think I need someone to be such a huge part of my life. I have it made for the most part. Great friends, a house, a decent vehicle and some great family. Why do I feel the need for all this inner turmoil just because I don’t have anybody to share it with? Why did I have to be born a damn Pisces? FML
I had a friend over for dinner tonight. I thought it was cool, she brought her .38 revolver to shoot. It was pretty cool. It was even more cool to see the look on her face when I broke out the AR and the AK for her to shoot. She got to shoot my 9 and my Sig .45 too. I even convinced her 7 year old to shoot my AR. I think he’s hooked too. Awesome way to finish off a mediocre day.
I so much want to have a good weekend. I have my son this weekend and really nothing planned but spending time with him. My mood is spoiling our good time though. I have to go check every so often to make sure I haven’t grown a vagina, as nerved up and moody as I have been. (No offense ladies, men aren’t typically a ball of nerves and suffer mood swings like I have been today.) Is it too much to ask for me to be as important to someone as they’d be to me? Is it really that hard to find someone to love and that will love me back, without all the distrust and bullshit? I know there is someone out there for us all. Where are you at??? I continually hear “you’re too nice” or “you’re such a good friend” but I never hear ” I love you unconditionally” or “you are the love of my life.” I guess women want their “bad boys” to marry and fuck, but they want us “nice guys” to be their friend, to use and to cry on our shoulders. I feel like goddamn Forrest Gump waiting on Jenny to finally come back after fucking the rest of the nation. I never understood why us nice guys always get what’s left while the a users and cheaters get the real reward. I see no need to be an asshole unless its needed. I can go all badass if I need to, but nice is much better to me. I see no reason why anybody should torment or abuse another. I see no reason for infidelity. If you feel the need to do that, leave. Maybe I ain’t cut out for this shit. At times I’d love to disappear, never to be seen again and at times I want to know I really made a difference in someone’s life. I want to know without a doubt I’m significant to somebody because of me, not for what I can do for you. Any takers???
Today started out as another awesome day up until this evening. My soon to be ex decided she wanted to show her ass before I picked up my son. I got him now. We went to eat with some family/friends and now he and I are watching Every Which Way but Loose. The time with Fate (that’s my son’s name) and conversation with one of the most wonderful people I ever met has made this evening finish off great. I hope y’all enjoy your weekend. Myheartonthefloor, enjoy yourself this weekend, you need it.
I am proud to report that I had the best day today that I have had in a long time! I needed that very much. I think (hope) I made great strides today in the situation I am working on. I had lunch with a great friend and supper with another. Today is maybe the 3rd or 4th time since June I have eaten 3 meals in a day. There is someone out there for everyone I’m convinced. We may not find them today or even tomorrow. We may not ever find them, but one has to be wise enough to look around and notice what is standing right in front of you. You have to let down those walls. Relationships, businesses, and even countries are not attained without work, struggle and turmoil. Keep trudging along! Once they are attained, they have to be maintained. The amount of maintenance depends on how good they are built. No relationship should be a chore. If it is, that’s a fucking job, not a relationship.@myheartonthefloor, I’m glad you read this. There is hope!!!